Nick Jackson

Here, in no particular order, are all the quotes currently set up to appear in my quote randomiser. Useful, no?

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you. — Oscar Wilde

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. — Herm Albright

A witty saying proves nothing. — Voltaire

All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. — George Orwell

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. — Terry Pratchett

An unknown error has occured: Unknown Error (Unknown Error) in unknown.

By all means break the rules, and break them beautifully, deliberately and well. That is one of the ends for which they exist. — Robert Bringhurst

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. — E. W. Dijkstra

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. — Pablo Picasso

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. — Laurence J. Peter

Each place has its own advantages - heaven for the climate, and hell for the society. — Mark Twain

Eighty percent of success is showing up. — Woody Allen

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit. — Elbert Hubbard

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. — John F. Kennedy

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. — Thomas Jones

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

How many people can read hex if only you and dead people can read hex?

I assume you are on the Internet. If you are not, then pardon my French, but vous êtes un big loser. Today EVERYBODY is on the Internet, including the primitive Mud People of the Amazon rain forest. In the old days, when the Mud People needed food, they had to manually throw spears at wild boars; whereas today they simply get on the Internet, go to www.spear-a-boar.com and click their mouse a few times (the Mud People use actual mice). Within three business days, a large box is delivered to them by a UPS driver, whom they eat. — Dave Barry

I believe I can fly. Gravity, however, doesn’t. — Nick Jackson

I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth — that God Governs the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid? — Benjamin Franklin

I would sign for your package but I don’t think I’d be able to carry it. — Jen Jacobs

I’m a snowplow! — Nick Jackson

If at first you don’t succeed, transform your data set! — Brook’s Law

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. — Jef Raskin

In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.

In case you’re worried about what’s going to become of the younger generation, it’s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation. — Roger Allen

In mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them. — Johann von Neumann

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. — William Blake

It works better if you plug it in. — Sattinger’s Law

Leather subcultural practices have also become a common, though perhaps not widespread, element of the goth subculture. In the realm of mysticism, wherein black is seen as a pigment of great spiritual utility and sexuality a potent magical tool, the affectation of skimpy, black leather apparel among women and sleek, black leather fashion among men often signifies realization of one’s spiritual selfhood and consequent sexual self-awareness wrought by advancement in the Occult and supreme anarchic abandon in revelry of the sheer, wanton, seductive power of the Dark Arts. [citation needed] — Wikipedia

Mathematics is the language with which God has written the universe. — Galileo Galilei

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what’s right. — Isaac Asimov

No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else’s draft. — H. G. Wells

Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it. — Richard Feynman

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. — Terry Pratchett

Rejoice not at thine enemy’s fall - but don’t rush to pick him up either. — Jewish Proverb

Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast. — Woody Allen

Salad’s, Sandwich’s & Drink’s — The Sandwich Shop

Speak when you are angry–and you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret. — Laurence J. Peter

Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed. — Don Wood

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose. — Bill Gates

That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: “I can’t understand this, what’s wrong with me?” An American says: “I can’t understand this, what’s wrong with him?” — Terry Pratchett

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. — Gloria Leonard

The fact of evolution is the backbone of biology, and biology is thus in the peculiar position of being a science founded on an improved theory, is it then a science or faith? — Charles Darwin

The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool. — William Shakespeare

The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. — Rudyard Kipling

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against wacking them around a little. — Joe Martin

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. — Albert Einstein

Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy. — Voltaire

Variables won’t; constants aren’t. — Osborn’s Law

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. — Martin Luther King Jr.

We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. — Robert Wilensky

When angry count to four; when very angry, swear. — Mark Twain

Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons. — Popular Mechanics, March 1949

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. — Dave Barry

You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist. — Indira Gandhi

You need to leverage the new digital paradigm offered to us by Web 2.0 and the Semantic Web to effectively harness and integrate user-generated and user-driven content in a dynamic framework accessable over a simple user-oriented interface via a wireless broadband multiplexed link. — Nick Jackson